judyonthenet

I went with Kelvin and Andrew at Oakridge on Saturday to watch 300 in all digital. Because of the Best Buy 300 preview promo, Kelvin and I had free tickets to check it out. The theater was pretty crowded, though not totally full.

So, basically, this movie was entirely what I expected: all style, no substance, and very, very manly. I also just checked out the graphic novel very briefly, and I’m not really sure how they came up with the idea to make a two hour movie out of this. Even without the Queen Gorgo parts of the film, they took pretty liberal interpretations of the frames in the graphic novel. The film is much prettier than the graphic novel, which is fairly harsh and ugly (which Frank Miller’s works generally are). I don’t get the impression from graphic novel that King Leonidas is shouting everything he says, but it’s obviously more dramatic that way. The graphic novel definitely seemed not as cool as the movie. I also noticed the director opted for female nipples instead of male frontal nudity, which I can’t really argue as a bad decision.

*Possible spoilers from here on*

Actually, I was kind of surprised with the nudity in this film. (Female nudity, of course. I was expecting no end in pecs for this one.) It felt kind of out of place in the film, and I was surprised they put any considering it wasn’t in the graphic novel. I remember I was disappointed with the Sin City movie having very little breasts exposed, when the graphic novel had boobs everywhere. Not that I’m desperate for breasts or anything, but it seemed really appropriate for Sin City, a story of sin, strippers, and sluts. I felt the opposite for the 300. And I thought the sex scene was totally retarded. The movie is very artistic and beautiful, and I think I felt the sex scene was too… graphic? When I think of artistic sexuality, I think more romantic and sensual, more body curves and caressing. I wasn’t expecting boob-bouncing, hip-thrusting, four different positions sex. When they make it all artistic-like, it seems dumber. They go from talking politics to getting it on. “What would you do as a free man?” *bow-chicka-bow-wow*

I did like the style of the movie. I’m glad they took liberties with interpreting the graphic novel, because the imagery in the movie was definitely more beautiful than whatever was in the graphic novel. I’m not really sure what else to say about this. Men were decent eye candy (kind of… thick for my tastes tho). Movie was purty. Yeah, that’s it.

I watched most of the movies through my fingers, but I think the violence wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Not that it didn’t live up to my expectations of violence (because it did), but I underestimated my tolerance level. The movie was a lot of slow-mo and rock’n'roll, which was no surprise. I probably could have lived without most of the slow motion, but it did help to give the viewer a chance to notice all the details in the movie. There were certain action sequences that I loved, particularly long, uncut takes of one person running into the fray (from left to right, like a side-scroller). These shots usually go between slow-motion to fast-forward, which emphasizes certain parts of the action sequences well. (I didn’t really get why they did this for the Oracle tho. I’m not sure why we needed to watch this girl writhe for five minutes.) I think the graphic violence was appropriate for the most part. I think my least favorite parts were the decapitations and their slow-mo rolling in the air. (Also, why is there a giant beast with blades for arms executing people? Wouldn’t he have more fun hacking enemies?)

I was pretty disappointed with the final battle as well. Having heard this movie being compared to a video game, I expected the final battle to be like a boss battle. I wanted a huge Spartan versus ninja showdown, finished with a King Leonidas versus Xerxes fistfight. It wasn’t really a final battle with action sequences as glorious excessive as the previous battles; it was more like a last stand where they just… die. More dying than fighting.

The script was cheesy, of course. Along with their overly ripped abs, the Spartans must have powerhouse lungs and vocal chords, because they apparently can only speak in SHOUT. And all they talk about are how manly/non-manly Spartans/non-Spartans are. Will King Leonidas really surrender at the end? Will he? Really? OF COURSE NOT! HE’S SPARTAN! SPARTANS NEVER SURRENDER! THEY DIE, like, ALL COOL LIKE! YEAH! AWOOT! WOOT! *flex* …whatever.

My favorite part of the movie is when Theron (McNulty!) is outed as the traitor. Gorgo suddenly stabs him for being a dickhead (okay, I liked this part. Warrior women are always kinda cool, even if they’re not really developed and whored themselves a little bit), and he starts bleeding Persian gold coins or something. (I don’t know where he puts them… cuz the only thing he’s wearing is a pair of leather briefs…) A counsel man picks up one of the coins and says he was a traitor. Then the rest of the counsel immediately turns all mob-like and yell riotously “TRAITOR!” with their Spartan vocal chords. As Andrew said, “Democracy at its finest.”

It’s certainly impressive that this movie was made mostly in front of a blue/green screen, in a relatively short time with relatively little money. Even if it lacked any substance, its visuals and audio were worth a trip to the theater, especially if you’re a guy into macho BS. It wasn’t terrible, but frankly, I’m glad I didn’t have to pay for this. (I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have seen this without the free ticket.) I think I’ll give this one a 6 out of 10.